Publica War Log Eliteratus: 2004

Friday 4:59pm

Today I woke up in my own respawn on xpress3 with -a-cheeko's nail grenades as my alarm clock. He was on my team. I don't understand why.

Ppl were getting angry. I saw it as an opportunity to test my inner tranquility.

[Green]ie kept grenading me from behind. Same team. Another test.

Today I made friends with -cfz-Muggle. I carved him. He said he only ever had 10h and was a scout. Then Muggle's started getting angry at other players.

It was a bloody half hour. Full of self mutilation and self enjoyment. Partly I think I'd be better off playing with my dick then with this mouse or this mouth.

man, wat yo been trippin on dawg :D!

Someday @ Sometime...in the past or future... i don't know anymore.

Its been 2 weeks since my last entry. I've needed to save my energy.

The map changed. I didn't make it all the way through. I'm now stuck inbetween worlds. A place where time ceases to exist. A place which cannot be named. A space which cannot be touched.

All I can do is wait and hope to ride it out.

I do know one thing though, regardless of the void I find myself in, I know who I am... I have discovered myself again... I always wanted to goto a mountain and sit and meditate for a few months... but here in this world, I don't know how much time has passed. It could be 5 minutes...it could be 5 years. Even though my body has degraded I have come to become aware of this other part of me..

This silent being here with me watches everything I do. Unintrusive. Just there. Waiting. Watching. Listening. Feeling everything I do. I've learnt to call it the witness. At first it scared me. But then it showed me the way beyond my age. Beyond my body and my mind. It showed me this part of myself who doesn't age. Who has no fears. Who ignores nothing and sees everything.

I've gotta go now.