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[ Archived News Item ]

A day in the life of...17-Aug-2004 18:45:31
by [PnP]Messiah[ Comments - 7 ]
Today some ledgendary shit went down. It started off at about 10:30am with my hardon firmly pressed into the mattress realising it was infact just a dream I was having hot sex. So anyways, after getting ready quickly it was off for another journey.

destination: umart milton.
objectives: to seek and aquire an adsl modem/router for my new inner city pad

journey log:
11:45am - I have just entered umart. I approached the front desk. it says "internet orders only please" I feel a sense of belonging in this line because I did infact order my parts over the internet . I get the feeling that they don't like human interactions too much. "whats your order number?" he commands. "I forgot it", i reply foolishly. "Well," he says with that nerdlike attitude you like to ram your fist through whenever it shows its face... "if you don't have your order number you have to take a seat and let 'these'(as he points to the other nerd rejects) take your order". I feel annoyed. I silently pull out a freshly pollished green grenade and begin to countdown. In a few seconds, this man is going to have a grenade rolled under his desk perfectly timed to explode just as it reaches him.

11:47 The grenade didn't go off. Either it didn't have one or I'm seriously lagged and delerious from a lack of sleep last night.

11:48 "Look man" I said with an authority which fills your shorts with hot shit at the same time filling your presence with an overall feeling of control and calmness "can you just look up my account id or something?" he got to work. Of course he did. I'm the motherfucking [PnP]Messiah you little bitch.

11:50 Invoices signed and I've got my new router. I head back to the train station. Inside as I walk past people on the street the little voice inside is going "hahaha look at you all little weak people compared to me and my new neatgear shit, fucking ownz whatever you think is good about you"

11:55 I've just purchased a ticket and sat down waiting for the train to arrive. There's a bunch of rough looking kids sitting around. I etherically leave my body and enter into their hearts and minds and bitch slap them around for a bit saying "yeah yeah who's the man! you've got fucken paint to sniff, i've got a new wireless shit fuckers!!!!"

11:56 I start reading over the box, which I've just realised up until now I actually haven't checked to see if its the right shit. OMG it fucking isn't! I stand up and yell loud enough so that umart can hear me 500meters away "You fucking cunts! This is just a router FFS"

11:57 I'm jumping down the milton railway stairs 2 at a time. Extra determined to mince some pussy arse this time. I'm fucking in the zone now boys. No grens are going to fail this round. I drop any items I don't need as I hit the main street.

11:59 [crossing the street] Reverse rocket jump and into a bunnyhop to avoid the traffic. The store is in my sights now. I chuck a nail gren into their deliveries section. "that'll fuckyas"

12:00 I re-enter the store. All eyes on me. You can feel the tension in the room. They've felt it before. That feeling of a dissatisfied customer coming back tempers flaring. That feeling of total ownage about to take place. That feeling so familiar for anyone who's ever played against PnP.

12:01 I take a quick look around surveying the best way to take everybody down. I rotate my weapns. A mini gun? Hmm, nice but messy. Ahh, the shotgun! direct and explosive. I pull the baby out and line it up but before I get the opportunity to shoot, there's a distraction. Like a change in the matrix. I can feel it. I shift in the room takes place. The door is behind me. It opens.

12:02 I know a master has entered the room. I turn around. I look at what he's carrying. Its a harddrive. This can only mean one thing. Faulty product. He's an Ally!

I look up at his face and you wouldn't believe who it was....

You guess wrong! It was [PnP]Vlad !!!!!

"Holy jesus christ" I yelled "Its the motherfucking michael jordon of teamfortress"

Jaws dropped. A breathless gasping sound is all that can be heard as everybody looks in awe at the man who put the "thats impossible" (matrix style) into tf.

There was too much blood for me to read what else was written down on the journey log. But it was truly a mincing those boys will never forget.



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